One of my mom's staff who has been with us since I was a young girl would relate to me how I used to come into my mother's office and start sketching girls who were immaculately dressed, complete with brilliantly coloured couture, high heeled shoes and always a pretty handbag in her hand...
I was probably around 7 or 8.
Later at 18, when I wanted to study fashion design, those dreams were un-pursued for more "practical" reasons of securing a job which meant a shelter over my head and food enough to satisfy my ever-growing appetite. It's the dreaded head vs heart dilemma we all face from time to time. At this juncture, I went completely with my head. My first job was as a copywriter for a spa in town and I had left school for that. The next few years took me through self-discovery as I started writing furiously year after year.
At 28, a decade after, 10 years after I've abandoned my dreams, i realized they never left me. They were there all this while reminding me of how neglected they were. So I've learnt that if something keeps coming back to you no matter how hard you try to ignore it, it probably does mean something. These are the times you should take heed. These are probably what the more religious people term their "callings". Yea, they sure seem to be calling out to you. Except mine was so suppressed, it was almost yelling, howling, screaming out to me. I mean we're talking about almost 10 to 20 years of total abandonment. There are some things in life that you always wake up to in the mornings. And i think those are the things that you really want to do or make something out of. This is one of them.
It was dying a slow painful death and I had to set it free. Some tell me I should have followed my heart.
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