There's a sketch of her with wings on my wall above my bed...

2 August 2003 - 4 May 2007

lola

shot taken by my father closer to her death

with my sister, her last moments at the hospital 

she loved the sun

Chapter 19 - The only Limitations we have are those of our Mind, The Singing Dog & Dealing with Loss

My second sister sent me some pics of my old dog this afternoon. As strong as I force myself to always be, tears surged forth once again as the lovely memories with her were refreshed in my mind. It is seldom that I feel this sort of feeling that renders me incapable of doing anything else or thinking of anything else. She left too soon. That is what I think about mostly. I grew up with dogs and by the time it came to her, I knew she was something exceptionally special and most people who came into contact with her felt that. My sister loved her too as Lola would "sing" each time she practised her voice scales in the shower. Lola just stood outside the bathroom "singing"(she sings in cascading barks, not words of course. i am dead serious. I thought my sister was getting delusional till I heard it for myself). So to many, they think it's loony and impossible. To others, they cannot comprehend how someone can share such a deep connection with an animal. And I never thought I ever would. It is through her that I knew that anything was possible. Just because most of us have never seen or heard a dog sing does not mean they cannot sing. Every neighbour knew her as they would open their doors and let her into their houses. She would always turn round on her back to let people tickle her tummy. She loved humans. She loved us with all of her heart. The difference between cats and dogs. Dogs really love you. My sister's words in her email were "Lola was such a special and endearing dog. Feel very blessed our lives crossed with this special dog in this lifetime." And I thought to myself that although it has been almost 2 years since her death, and still each day I deal with her loss, I should be thankful that I had the chance to meet her. I keep thinking to myself that she left too soon, so I learnt through her that sometimes in life we meet good people so please let us not take them for granted, but appreciate their goodness while they are still here. Because you never really know when they will leave. And sometimes they really leave too soon. Each moment is precious. I still remember the phone call I received telling me that she was bitten by a golden retriever (of all dogs!) and that her head was dangling and her eyes were rolling. That moment tore my heart apart. I kept her ashes in a chinese porcelain urn but my mother (being more superstitious) told me to free her spirit in the sea which I did...a spot at East Coast beach by the breakwater which I visit each time I go there...quietly in my heart, I say hello. Today I miss her...her name was Lola...

Wouldn't it be cool to engrave this on your grave? (is this how they came up with the word "engrave")

Sometimes in happiness there is pain

image source, yesterdaydied

Chapter 18 - Contemplating human destiny, Pre-empting pain & Pursuing happiness

I've once read that the main failure of education is that it has not prepared people to comprehend matters concerning human destiny. We are merely prepared for society's immediate needs, neglecting the needs that matter the most to us. I looked at the people who walked past me today and I wondered what made them happy. Was it her beautiful daughter that made her heart smile and who gave her life meaning? Was it the glaring red Ferrari that he was driving in or the fact that he had plenty of friends to laugh and talk with or the quiet moments of peaceful solitude that some seemed satisfying lost in? And then when I looked deeper, something betrayed their apparent happiness. Are we all hiding pain? Are we giving in to that human impulse to abandon our dreams and the ones we love so that we can stanch the pain of loss. Do I sometimes act on impulse in cutting my losses fast? Yes. Do I succumb to pre-empting events to prevent myself from further emotional damage? Yes. Could we be happy if we steeled ourselves and focused on the problem at hand and remind ourselves that someday the world would surprise us with something totally unexpected because in the world we live in, something unexpected always occurs and then we are temporarily or (hopefully) permanently relieved of that pain? Am I happy? I couldn't answer that honestly. Are you?

S L E E P I N G together

“I like how sleeping next to someone means more than sex sometimes. It’s the body’s way of saying, 'I trust you to be by my side at my most vulnerable time.' You have no defenses when you are asleep, you tell no lies.”


source: yesterdaydied

If...

if i weren't an obsessive fashion designer 

i'd be a compulsive writer 

image source: yesterdaydied